Typical Jive

It's not at all unusual for a Calderwood to engage in some sort of strange activity for no apparent reason at an unexpected time. I have inherited this trait and learned to embrace it, but it is my father who truly has made an art form out of what appears to most as a behavioral disorder. I have witnessed my father roast nuts at 5:30 in the morning, clean the gutters while it is pouring rain, and most recently...

begin carving up a smoked turkey half way through watching The Hurt Locker.


My dad and I find it very hard to stay focused on a movie that exceeds two hours, no matter how engrossing it may be.


"Try this, it's the shits (my father says "the shits" instead of "the shit)."

Double your Pleasure

Oh what a joy it is to eat eggs. Nothing is more satisfying than caressing that smooth shiny orb, cracking it open on the edge of a frying pan, and watching the embryo with slide gracefully onto a nonstick surface generously coated in warm butter. What on earth could ever compare to such a euphoric experience?

It is on those rare occasions when two yolks reside in one shell, that you truly experience life. It's just like eating siamese twins. Or think of it as twice the cholesterol, twice the taste, and twice the fun!

Making Love to a Dead Horse

Listen, I hate to beat a dead horse (or make love to one, as title indicates) but I must remind all of you wonderful Cloggers that I am still very much interested in exchanging oven fresh treats for product. The supply of boards I once enjoyed with reckless abandon has dwindled away to almost nothing. I am more than willing to make pies for anyone who wants to barter, but have recently expanded my range of baked goods to include breads and pastry.



You to can be in possession of a giant loaf of olive rosemary bread. All you must do is, yah know, hook me up with some weed, errrr I mean crack, I mean POT! Wait maybe some bearings.



Why go to Paris when you can just give me a board and experience all that France has to offer. Croissants come plain or with ham, cheese, chocolate, turkey, swiss, bacon, meth, heroine, almond, and just about anything else you can think of that doesn't cost me more than fifty dollars. Because if that happens to be the case, then I am just going to buy myself a board and spend the time it would take baking on better things like doing hard core CRACK!

So Much God Damn Brass

The explanation of this entry will remain brief. All that needs to be said is, brass is the way to true happiness. Brass is the material by which our sleeping fantasies materialize. while laying up on the big brass bed all of life's secrets are revealed. So ladies, lay upon MY BIG ASS BRASS BEAD!



This Lady straight turned to brass while she was laying across that big old brass bed.



New revelations in brass.

Just a Friendly Reminder From Quynh

Quynh would like to remind all of you puny humans that he is more than ready to rip the flesh from your ungrateful bones.


He doesn't sleep 16 hours a day just to bat around a ball of yarn people, trust me.

The End of Years and the Opening of Beers

2009 came to a close with fights, shattered glass, pyrotechnics, and laughter. 2010 is already shaping up to be one for the record books. Keep close my children. Here are a splattering of holiday images.



Insanity knew no greater partners.



Calderwood's like to celebrate the birth of jesus by smashing in santa's head and wearing it like a hat.



Twas two years prior that Quynh became part of our family.



I am overjoyed to have been able to spend thanksgiving's eve with these two.



How can you possibly get enough of Quynh and David? Wait, Don't answer that.



Thank you all for coming to my humble home on new years eve. And a special thanks to the person who left a twelve pack Bud Light Lime in my kitchen.



Because lord knows that we are not picky.

Merry HalloweenMas Eve's Eve

Tis the night before Christmas Eve Day
and all through the hood,
not a creature was stirring
except a Calderwood.

The Holidays mean baking and pushing the limits of sugar consumption, so go get all cracked out and carve a pumpkin.



I present to you the Boogeyman.